a punchup at a wedding

I didn’t want to post this until now, because today the brides were being treated to a relaxing day of fun, but yesterday I began to feel quite ill. I was in the middle of doing my Consuella Agador Spartacus gig at L____’s house when I began to feel light-headed and nauseated. At first I thought I was using too much Lysol kitchen spray product, but then I realized you can never use too much Lysol kitchen spray product. Then I realized it was just me. I finished the job, somewhat half-assed, but at least I finished. Then I drove home. Halfway into the journey back, all I wanted to do was pull over and go to sleep. Not good. I might have, but I had Rex and L____’s dog Sparky with me. And Sparky’s diabetic. If I’d slept, he would’ve missed his 7 pm injection and then the world would’ve exploded.

But no, we got home okay. Only because I had Jennifer Holiday singing “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” on an endless loop in the car. She’s my hero now.

I was afraid to eat, so I didn’t. I realized it was about a year ago today that I was laid up in the hospital with funky stomach craziness, so I was petrified that my gastro-intestinal tract was celebrating an anniversary by recreating that moment. I was quite freaked out, but Becky calmly said, “If I have to take you to the hospital, I will. But you’re going to be fine. No matter what.” So I had no choice but to believe her. She’s an Aries, after all, and an Aries knows everything, as Becky will tell you.

I watched Survivor. I slept. I watched HGTV. I tried to sleep. I caught up on a few blogs that I haven’t read since July. Y’all have been up to some crazy shit, haven’t you? Then I ate some of the delicious chicken and stuffing Becky made for dinner. I waited about an hour, and since what I ate didn’t make a second appearance, I ate a little more. Then I felt dizzy, so i went to bed at 1 AM. This is unheard of.

I woke up at 8 this morning and was shivering. I worried, but then remembered that the temps were supposed to go down to around 50 degrees last night. Rex saw me wake up, so he jumped back onto the bed and curled up next to me under the covers. He never does this, so he must’ve been cold. I wrapped my arms around him, and then next thing I knew it was 10 AM. All day today I felt like I had cement blocks tied to my feet. I’ve been achy and woozy. I decided not to say anything to the brides, because I worried they’d freak out in the middle of what was supposed to be their day of alleged relaxation before the Big Day. I called everyone on The List to make sure everything was still in place for tomorrow. Kevin the videographer said, “What wedding?” Ha ha.

I had Becky drive me to the florist, so we could pick up sweetheart roses to put on the cake. I picked up my suit from the dry-cleaners. I dragged myself to the rehearsal at Rouge. The wedding party is wonderful. These are some of the sweetest and most interesting people I’ve met in a while. Then again, I don’t leave the house much. The room looks wonderful. It’s going to be a beautiful moment. And I’m going to have my hands full. Should be fun. If only my head would stop spinning. Lindsey slipped me some sort of anti-nausea drug. I think it’s starting to kick in.

If they can get me one of those Britney headsets to wear tomorrow I know that will make everything better.

About timothyjlambert

Timothy J. Lambert is allegedly a writer.
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14 Responses to a punchup at a wedding

  1. ladooshka says:

    Oh my! I hope you feel better tomorrow! Have a good night rest! Will you post your report about wedding? It will be great to read)))

    Take care!

  2. _jandy_ says:

    ugh! feel better fast!

    and yes, we wanna see wedding pics and all. :)

  3. rhondarubin says:

    I hope you’re feeling better today. You have absolutely no idea how much we appreciate everything you’re doing for us. Everthing with the room looks wonderful. Everything you’ve had a and in is going swimmingly and wonderfully. I’m more than happy to bring my handsfree headset for our cordless phone. Just slip the cord into your pocket, and no one will know it’s not connected. ;)

    You ROCK!

  4. Anonymous says:

    If you get one of those groovy headset thingies, we must see a picture. But instead of Twitney–er, Britney, aim for a Janet sort of look. (Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty.)

    Jeffrey Ricker

  5. markgharris says:

    Jesus, that sounds bad, and what timing. Sorry you’re sick, right when it’s a moment to celebrate. At least, you’re never boring.

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