straightening up the house

I’ve come to realize that I’m living most of Jennifer Lopez’s movie roles. Many years ago I took voice lessons, sang in choirs, and thought about training to be an operatic tenor, but then my singing career died, so that’s kind of like Selena. I’m helping Lindsey and Rhonda plan their wedding and became a self-appointed Wedding Bitch, just like J-Lo in The Wedding Planner. I walk dogs, just like J-Lo’s character in Monster In Law. Today I started cleaning my friend L____’s house once a week on Thursdays, so that’s kind of like Maid In Manhattan. L____ has snakes in her backyard, so I hope I don’t find myself in Anaconda.

Just so you know, I now only answer to the name Consuella on Thursdays. And, yes, I’m legal. Now, where’s my hot guy and happily ever after?

About timothyjlambert

Timothy J. Lambert is allegedly a writer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to straightening up the house

  1. retaliashun says:

    it will be interesting to see your reprisal of her role in The Cell

  2. dukecityjim says:

    “Now, where’s my hot guy and happily ever after?”

    I’m sure you can write yourself a happy ending and a hot guy.

  3. where’s my hot guy and happily ever after?

    It’s possible they are staying away in droves to avoid the Curse of Gigli.

    • Anonymous says:

      But then there are the guys who will always remember you as one of the “In Living Color” Fly Girls….

      Jeffrey R.

  4. but do you wear a thong whilst cleaning? She sure did. You could see it through her white pants!

  5. varsitynj says:

    As long as L___ doesn’t get a pet pig, you’ll be okay.

  6. _jandy_ says:

    HAHA

    i’ll be sure to pass your name around (consuella, that is) around to my rich friends who need their house cleaned.

  7. dogrl says:

    cleaning my friend L____’s house once a week on Thursdays,

    You’re cleaning my house once a week on thursdays?! Hot damn!!!
    Who knows? Maybe your hot guy has been hiding here in Iowa.

  8. markgharris says:

    Snakes… Oh, no. No no no no no.

Comments are closed.